Love is, and will remain, a mystery that we will never fully decipher. However, it is possible to understand some of its many facets. Buddhists, for example, offer us some keys to know how to love and enjoy the feelings it brings us.
The keys to love, according to Buddhists, are not something from another world, but a simple application of common sense. Theirs is an approach that emphasizes our ability to love and not so much the possibility of awakening love in others.
Reality teaches us that everything that is sown is also reaped. Therefore, if we elevate our capacity to love, the consequence of this will be that we will be loved too. What is given to us loses its importance, and what we can give takes centre stage. Here are five keys to be able to achieve it.
“Do not hurt others with what causes you pain”.
1. Understanding, one of the keys to love
The word “understanding” in love goes beyond a simple intellectual fact. It does, of course, cover rational aspects, but it also extends much further. It means understanding with the head, but mainly with the heart. A person with understanding develops enough sensitivity to perceive the physical and emotional needs of the other. It also implies respecting them and trying to satisfy their needs.
Understanding is one of the keys to love because it implies being able to see the other person on their level and not on ours. It helps us perceive and see their vulnerabilities and their shortcomings. Being able to see them as someone who is not perfect, and who shouldn’t be judged for it either.
2. Make the heart evolve
One of the keys to love is to first fulfill the commitment we have towards ourselves. The first is to learn to be happy and to be well, without needing to have a partner next to you.
We can’t hold another responsible for the task of making us happy, filling our gaps or filling our needs. Whoever can’t find happiness for himself, will not find it through another person. Sooner or later you will discover that nothing external can fill this void.
3. Being noble
Nobility and kindness are a tremendous force for good. Sometimes people think that good people are the ones with a weak heart or a fragile character. That’s not true. Being good towards others is a decision born from conviction and strength. However, it is also one of the most decisive keys to loving others.
Nobility is characterized by seeking the best for others, as well as looking out for their own good. Not harming people deliberately or unnecessarily. Being able to sympathize with the sufferings of others and being willing to provide support whenever possible. A good person attracts the kindness of others.
4. No fleeting love
The expression “fleeting love” is contradictory in itself. Love is never fleeting. It always leaves traces. What does exist is sometimes the desire to have fleeting adventures and romances, which provide sexual pleasure or nourish narcissism, without the need for commitment or suffering.
When someone wants to lead his life in this way, he is just showing that he doesn’t want life to touch him. It’s like wanting to swim, but just watching the water from the shore. You may achieve your goal of touching the water without getting wet, but the vacuum inside you will simply get bigger and bigger. There comes a point when this doesn’t satisfy us at all, and boredom creeps in.
5. Recognize the four elements of love
According to Buddhists, love has four essential components. These are: kindness, compassion, fun and serenity. Incorporating these aspects into a relationship is one of the keys to a love that will never fail. Each of them is indispensable.
Kindness promotes respectful and considerate relationships. Compassion builds mutual loyalty and a deep sense of commitment. Suffering is shared and with it an indestructible bond is created. Fun, on the other hand, means mainly looking for a variety of shared experiences. Serenity is the basis for tolerance and good communication.
As you can see, the keys to love are accessible to everyone. What they do require is for us to have enough interest and willingness to cultivate them. They are not born spontaneously, but must be developed patiently. Its fruits are very sweet and, for that reason, they fully deserve the effort.