What makes some people likable and irresistible?
Human socialization is essentially a process of cultivating likability.
In 1936, Carnegie launched his timeless bestseller the way to Win Friends and Influence People — that book remains in print today.
That is perhaps evidence of the very fact that a lot of folks will always be interesting in winning friends and keeping their great social connections. Carnegie’s basic drift is that this — don’t dazzle people together with your excellence.
Scientists are still trying to work out what exactly that pulls people to every other. In many business and social situations, making an honest impression may be a stepping stone for closing deals, winning contracts, building connections, and forming better relationships. It pays to understand which behaviors are bringing people in, or turning them off.
In many social situations, it’s not what you said, but what you didn’t say
If you value relationships and need to take care of them, your actions, regardless of how small, makes an enormous difference. If you’re not great with people, silence or inaction is usually not your safest bet.
Social mistakes like refusing to reply to party invitations, chat messages, or forgetting to wish someone on the brink of you a cheerful birthday can make them bitter. Sometimes silence can do more harm than good.
Think of it this way: If you apply for employment, which is worse — a rejection letter, or no reply at all? the previous is bad, but the latter is dismissive, and that’s thousand times worse.
You can’t answer everyone who wants to start a conversation with you but choose your actions and inactions prudently.
Don’t burn important bridges — especially if you’re a crucial link in someone else’s chain of human interactions.
Any decision that leads to people feeling worse about themselves will still count against you — unless it’s not important to your circle of influence.
When and the way you disclose personal information features a huge impact on your ability to sustain a relationship
In general, people gain trust after they’ve traded confidences. In psychology, it’s called the self-disclosure reciprocity effect. Self-disclosure has proven to be one of the simplest ways to form and keep friendships.
People who disclose reciprocally are likely to enhance likeness, closeness, and perceived similarity. The important question is — when does one share personal stories and knowledge about yourself.?
Psychologists say that disclosing something too intimate — while you’re still going to know someone can cause you to seem insecure and reduce your likability. If you share something overly personal timely, for instance, you’ll unwittingly repel people.
The key’s to urge just the proper amount of privacy.
A study led by Susan Sprecher at Illinois State University suggests that simply sharing details about your hobbies and your favorite childhood memories can cause you to seem warmer and more likable.
The authors wrote, “Although shy or socially anxious people may ask questions of the opposite to detract attention from themselves, our research shows that this is often not an honest strategy for relationship initiation. Both participants in an interaction got to confide to generate mutual closeness and liking.”
Self-disclosure is particularly important during initial interactions because it likely determines whether two people will desire to interact again, the authors observed.
Beware of humblebragging though. It makes people dislike you quite outright boasting. A study by Harvard Business Review put it this way: “Despite the assumption that combining bragging with complaining or humility confers the advantages of every strategy, we discover that humblebragging confers the advantages of neither, instead of backfiring because it’s seen as insincere.”
To increase your chances of knowing people better, be authentic and genuine. Don’t suppress your emotions
Genuine people seem more trustworthy.
“When we encounter someone authentic with their words and intentions, it stands out,” says Cherie Burbach, relationship expert. “People can tell when you’re not being real, and it’s annoying.”
Emotional suppression disrupts the dynamics of social interactions and relationships. one of the simplest ways to urge alongside others is to ask them about their favorite topic: themselves. “Everyone likes to mention themselves,” says Mike Goldstein, a dating coach.
Show genuine interest in them as possible — listen, encourage, value their stories, and in particular, use their name tons.
Don’t interrogate though. Asking someone questions without talking about yourself in the least is additionally off-putting.
A University of Oregon study found that folks who suppressed their emotions were perceived as “less extraverted, less agreeable, and more insecure about relationships.
The researchers wrote: “People … don’t pursue close relationships indiscriminately — they probably search for people that are likely to reciprocate their investments. So when perceivers detect that somebody is hiding their emotions, they’ll interpret that as a disinterest within the things that emotional expression facilitates — closeness, social support, and interpersonal coordination.”
Hiding your feelings isn’t a desirable trait. people that suppress their emotion-expressive behavior have difficulty forming close, supportive relationships.
Want to be more likable? Use the mere-exposure effect to start a conversation with strangers
According to the mere-exposure effect, people tend to love people who are familiar with them. to make better relationships with strangers, faster, use the mirroring strategy — subtly mimicking another person’s behavior (body language, gestures, and facial expressions). Mirroring is about being in tune with people.
In his book It’s Not All About “Me”: the highest Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone, Robin Dreeke explains, “When you walk into an area with a bunch of strangers, are you naturally drawn to those that look angry and upset or those with smiles and laughing? Smiling is that the favorite nonverbal technique you ought to utilize to seem more accommodating.”
If you would like to encourage people to speak about themselves, repeat the last three words
Research shows repetition is an efficient thanks to kee people talking without awkward silences.
In his book, the way to ask Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for giant Success in Relationships, Social skills expert and author Leil Lowndes says “…simply repeat — or parrot — the last two or three words your companion said, during a sympathetic, questioning tone. That throws the conversational ball right back in your partner’s court.”
Repetition shows you’re listening, interested, and engaged.
Building a far better relationship with anyone takes time. once you invest time in any conversation or relationship, get the sharing good, compliment, but with credibility, and don’t forget to smile — work on your pleasant expression. It’s not impossible to pitch yourself well.