Relationship

HOW YOU DEAL WITH A BREAKUP AND WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU

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This is a two-part post.

While many deals with breakups as they see fit, they often do not know that the method they choose cracks open a window into their personality and their decision-making pattern.

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Below are some of the ways that people handle a breakup and what it says about them.

1. The Rebound Strategy

This one is well known. Start another relationship right after one ends. Use a person to get over another. Most often than not, this tactic backfires as one or both parties in the new relationship often end up terribly hurt.

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This tactic prevents you from objectively analyzing the last relationship and seeing those times when you could have acted differently and the things that you could have done better. People who deal with breakups this way often attempt to close chapters in their lives too hurriedly and they often end up making the same mistakes in subsequent relationships.

2. The Mopey-Stalker Strategy

This one is arguably the most common and it is usually done by the party who is not willing to let go. You never wanted the breakup and are having a hard time accepting it because you’re still in love with the person and you don’t see yourself falling for anybody else. So you still read all the messages they sent you. Still look at their pictures.

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And stalk them on social media to see if they’re taking the breakup as hard as you are or if they’ve moved on to someone else already. You know there isn’t a snowball in hell’s chance of you coming back together but one can hope, right?

Perhaps you shouldn’t.

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In a scenario where you were not exactly happy in the relationship; and the bad times far outweighed the fun moments, cutting your losses and moving on is the smart thing to do.

Admittedly, this is often the default stage one enters after a breakup, but staying in it for too long does more harm than good – if it does any good at all.

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Someone new might come along who is ready to treat you like the princess or prince that you are but when you can’t let go of what should be your past, you stand a huge risk of losing that person and worse, treating them shabbily while you’re at it.

People in this category tend to have issues with decisiveness. And it stems from their underestimation of their self-worth.

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The fact, however, remains that at least one party in a relationship often suffer a huge drop in self-esteem after a break-up. And how quickly they recover heavily impacts their next relationship.

3. The Workaholic Strategy

The pain of a breakup is felt in its full force when one is idle. As a result, some people seek distractions i.e any and every activity that keeps them from processing their feelings.

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These activities are usually a combination of the following, to mention a few:
a] Logging more work hours at the office.
b] Putting in more hours at the gym.
c] Heavy partying.
d] Signing up for an insane amount of projects

Unfortunately, the efficacy of this strategy is ephemeral, it quickly wears out and you sooner find yourself right back where you started.

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Pain is not meant to be ignored. It has to run its course otherwise it would always be lurking in a corner waiting for the opportunity to rear its head.

And when it does, the intensity is often worse than it initially would have been. Pain improperly dealt with becomes baggage.

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It takes strength to let oneself feel pain and not give in to the temptation to postpone it. And those who are strong enough to do so are often grateful that they did.

To be continued. . .

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The second part will be published at a later date.

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